I Changed My Mind
by mayo297
Summary: Clint is still struggling with the events that occured while he was being controled by Loki.


He saw nothing, but his hands on her neck and her green eyes filled with panick and plea as she was despretly trying to struggle underneath him. Then she stopped, her hands fell beside her body and the spark of life dissapeared from her eyes.

Clint suddenly shot up in his bed, gun in his hand, that he kept under his pillow. He lightly banged the barrel of the gun at his temple and murmured: „Get out, get OUT!"

He hated these nightmares. They were always the same. Always about him under Loki's control killing Natasha. What was worse they actually showed the EXACT way he planned to kill her, like Loki said „slowly, intimately, in every way he knew she feared". It made him sick to his stomach.

He got up from his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He was all sweaty, so he turned the shower on and stood there for what seemed like all eternity, the cold water running down his body, making him a little more comfortable and calm. He just stared into the wall, because he was afraid to close his eyes, afraid that he would see it all again. It was so real EVERYTIME.

When he was done, he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He stopped in front of the mirror and stared at his blank face. He kept looking at his eyes as if to make sure they wouldn't turn that sick shade of blue again.

Finaly Clint turned away from the mirror and walked back to the bedroom. His room was pretty simple as all the rooms at the carrier were. Since he couldn't sleep, he got dressed and silently left his room. He thought about going to the shooting range with his bow, but then he changed his course and ended in front the elevator. He got in, punched in the numbers and pressed the button marked "SURFACE – LANDING DECK". The doors closed and Clint waited a few seconds before the elevator slowed down and then came to a complete stop. The doors opened and the cool night air greeted him. Clint made his way to the edge and sat down. He just stared at the water and the stars and his mind slowly but surely began to calm down.

After a moment or two he felt eyes on his back, but didn't turn around. He just continued to sit there in complete silence. Then he heard slow footsteps that he would recognize anywhere and anytime. It was Natasha. She came to him and took a seat on his right side. Clint didn't even look at her. He kept staring in front of him. None of them said a word. Natasha didn't mind. Neither did Clint.

After a few minutes she asked: "Can't sleep?" still looking dead ahead.

He sighed a little. "Yeah. Nightmares about me _killing _you are not exactly good for my sleep."

She turned to face him. He did the same.

"Still the same?" Natasha asked.

Clint nodded.

"It's just so _real_, Tasha, I….it feels like I'm losing my goddamned mind."

He turned away from her and stared ahead again. Natasha kept her gaze at him.

"You know, I have nightmares sometimes too, Clint. About The Red Room. What they did to us. To _me._ It will fade, just give it time."

He looked at her again.

"But it never goes away, does it?" he asked in a somewhat bitter voice.

She gave him a sad smile. "I don't know. It hasn't for me yet."

"You think she's still hunting you? Yelena?"

Natasha stiffened a little when he spoke Yelena's name and said: "Probably. I think she's got some sort of vendetta against me."

Yelena Belova, they were in the Black Widow program together and she….Natasha pushed those thoughts in the back of her mind.

"Hmmm…it's just, I try not to think about what _could have been_, but there are times I simply _can't_ help it. I could have killed Fury, I could have killed _you_, I….I could have killed all of you. And I almost did, Tasha."

She opened her mouth, but before her words could leave it, he said: "I know what you're gonna say, that it wasn't me, that I was brainwashed by that son of a bitch Loki, I know that, Tasha, I KNOW it, it's just…." His voice broke. He looked away again and got up from the ground. Natasha remained seated, she was just watching him.

Clint looked at her. "Thanks, Nat."

She gave him a little hint of smile and replied: "Anytime, Clint."

He nodded his head a little and made his way back inside.

While he was walking the corridors on his way back to his bunk, he changed his mind the second time that night. He took the hallway on his left and walked one storey down, then he just continued on his way down another one, then took a sharp right and ended up in a hallway that had dimmed lights. He slowed his pace and came to the last door on his left.

The nametag read AGENT BARBARA MORSE. Smile made its way to his face, but it was slowly replaced by a frown. Boy was he glad he didn't run into _her_ when he attacked the helicarrier. If he had done something to her,…."Goddamn it, Barton, get your act together. You didn't, she's fine, safe and sound in her bed." He mentally kicked himself. Clint slowly opened the door and stepped in as quietly as he could.

That smile was back on his face immediately. She was lying on her tummy, her head turned to him, her hair all over the pillow behind her. He walked closer. She looked exactly like he imagined angels, if there was such a thing. He couldn't be more glad that she was his girlfriend. He grinned as he remembered her kicking asses of the agents who didn't let her see him in the medical after he was freed from Loki's mind control by Tasha's "cognitive recalibration".

He took another step closer to her bed and knelt down. He pushed a stray of her beautiful blonde hair behind her ear and kissed her temple. She shifted a bit like a little cat. Clint couldn't help but smile at that. God, how he LOVED that woman. Bobbi slowly opened her eyes and blink a couple times. "Clint?" she whispered.

"Yeah, babe, it's me. Or are you expecting someone else?" he joked.

"I wasn't expecting _anyone_ for that matter." She shot back.

Clint chuckled. Half asleep and she was still witty.

"Couldn't sleep, Bobbi. Took a walk outside and then I thought I would pay you a visit."

She turned her head so she was facing him and a small sleepy smile was on her face.

"Well I'm deeply honored. Will you get into bed or are you gonna kneel there and stare at me all night?"

No response.

"Clint?"

"I'm thinking about it."

Bobbi rolled her eyes. "Dumbass. Get in here." She said lifting the blanket.

Clint smiled. "Be right there, babe, just gotta get comfortable." And with that he started to undress. When he had nothing on, just his boxers, he got into the bed behind Bobbi, covered the with the blanket, threw one arm around her and snuggled close to her. He inhaled her scent and kissed her neck.

"Don't get any ideas, Barton." Came her response to his actions.

"What? I can't kiss my girlfriend goodnight?"

"If I feel your hands or mouth wander places, I will shoot you."

Clint chuckled and kissed her back. "Whatever you say, your highness."

"I'm _not_ having sex with you tonight, are we clear?"

"Why not?" Clint asked her.

"Because I'm tired and I wanna sleep."

He let out a little laugh. "Okay my love."

"Thought so." Bobbi said. "Night, Clint."

"Good night, Bobbi."

Some time later, he woke up at her being on top of him staring at him.

"What?" he asked sleepily.

She leaned closer to him, her hair tickling him on his chest.

"I changed my mind." Was her simple answer.

Clint was fully awake in an instant.

"Say no more." He managed to say before she closed the gap between their faces and kissed him hungrily.

God, how he LOVED that woman.


End file.
